How to get rid of gases: tips and tricks
![How to get rid of gases: tips and tricks](https://i2.wp.com/syl.ru/misc/i/ai/85595/145402.jpg)
Salvador Dali was one of the greatest originals of the 20th century. His extravagant antics, as well as equally shocking paintings, are known even to those who are not interested in fine art. Dali also distinguished himself in literature... I bring to the attention of readers an excerpt from Salvador Dali’s book “The Diary of a Genius”, which is not an autobiography in the strict sense of the word, but is a series of small essays, in this particular case dedicated to such a not poetic, but quite vital everyday things like farts.
And so, selected chapters from the essay
THE ART OF THE FART, or THE SILENT ARTILLERIST'S GUIDE
written by Count Trubachevsky, Doctor of the Bronze Horse,
Recommended for people suffering from constipation.
INTRODUCTION
It’s a shame, a shame for you, Reader, to fart for a long time, without ever bothering to ask how this action proceeds and how it should be performed! It is generally accepted that there are only large and small farts, but in essence they are all the same; meanwhile, this is a gross mistake. The matter that I present to your attention today, having previously analyzed the subject with all possible care, has until now been passed over in complete silence, and not at all because it was believed that all this was unworthy of attention, there was simply a widespread opinion that this subject is not subject to accurate study and is not consistent with the latest achievements of science. What a deep misconception! Farting is an art, and, therefore, as Lucian, Hermogenes, Quintilian and others argued, it is a very useful thing. So the ability to fart by the way and on time is much more important than is commonly thought.
"A fart caught inside
So much so that it hurts, even if you scream,
Might rip your womb
And become the cause of death.
If on the edge of the grave
Fart on time and cute,
You can save your life
And gain health."
Finally, as will become clear to the Reader from the further development of this treatise, you can fart by adhering to certain rules and even with a certain taste.
Chapter first
GENERAL DEFINITION OF A FART AS SUCH
The bunch, which the Greeks call the word Porde, the Latins - cgepitus ventris, the Old Saxons call Partin or Furlin, those who speak the high Germanic dialect call Fartzen, and the English call Fart, there is a certain composition of winds that are released, sometimes with noise, and sometimes dullly and without any soundtrack.
Meanwhile, there are narrow-minded, but very enterprising authors who, contrary to Culpan’s dictionary and other dictionaries, stubbornly and arrogantly defend the absurd assertion that the concept of “fart” in the true, that is, in the natural and original sense of the word is applicable only when it is released accompanied by a certain sound; Moreover, they are based on a poem by Horace, which by no means gives a complete and comprehensive idea of the fart as such:
Nam displosa sonat quantum Vesica pepedi. SAT. 8.
(I farted with such a noise that only a well-inflated bladder could make.)
But everyone understands that in the mentioned poem Horace used the verb pedere, that is, to fart in the most general, generic sense, and shouldn’t he in this case, making it clear that the word pedere certainly means a certain distinct sound, should have made a reservation, narrowing the concept and having explained that we are talking here only about the kind of fart that comes out with noise? The dear philosopher Saint-Evremond had significantly different ideas about the fart from the philistine: he considered it a kind of sigh and once said to his beloved, in whose presence he happened to plump:
"Seeing your disfavor,
Sadness accumulates in the heart,
Sighs constrict your chest.
Is it so strange that there is only one sigh,
Not daring to leave my lips,
Has someone else found their way?"
So, in the most general form, a fart can be defined as a kind of gas or wind that has accumulated in the lower cavity of the abdomen due, as doctors say, to an excess of cooled mucus, which, when slightly heated, separates, softens, but does not dissolve completely; according to peasants and ordinary people, it is the result of the use of certain wind-forming seasonings or products of the same property. It can also be defined as compressed air passing through the internal parts of the body in search of an outlet and finally rushing out with haste as soon as a hole opens in front of it, the name of which is forbidden to be pronounced by the rules of good manners. But here we will speak without reserve and call a spade a spade: this “something” we are talking about arises from the anus, appearing either accompanied by a slight explosion or without it; sometimes nature releases it without any effort, but sometimes you have to resort to the help of a certain art, which, relying on the same nature, facilitates its birth, bringing relief, and often even just real pleasure. It was this circumstance that gave rise to the saying:
"To walk healthy,
We need to let out the winds."
But let us return to our definition and try to prove that it fully corresponds to the most healthy rules of philosophy, for it includes genus, matter and difference, quia petre consiat genere, materia et differentia:
1. It embraces all causes and all varieties;
2. Although our object is constant according to its generic characteristics, it, without any doubt, is by no means so due to its remote causes, which are generated by the winds, namely mucus, as well as poorly digested food. Let's discuss this more thoroughly before poking our nose into any particulars.
So, we assert that the matter of the fart has cooled and slightly softened.
For just as rain never occurs either in the hottest or in the coldest regions, since in the climate of the first type excessive heat absorbs all vapors and evaporations, and in cold countries excessive frost prevents the release of vapors, it rains mainly in areas with an average, temperate climate (as Bodin, a specialist in historical methodology, as well as Scaliger and Kadan quite rightly noted); the same thing happens with excess heat, when it not only grinds and softens the food, but also dissolves and absorbs all the vapors, which cold never could; that's why no fumes are released here. Quite the opposite occurs at mild and moderate temperatures. Low heat does not digest food completely, but only softens it slightly, as a result of which the gastric and intestinal mucus is able to secrete a large number of winds, which become more energetic relative to the wind-forming ability of various foods, which, if fermented at an average temperature, produce especially thick and vortex pairs. This can be very clearly felt by comparing spring and autumn with summer and winter, and also by examining the art of simmering.
Chapter two
VARIETIES OF FARTS, IN PARTICULAR, THE DIFFERENCE OF A FART FROM A BURP, AND COMPLETE PROOF OF THE DEFINITION OF A FART
We have already noted above that the fart exits through the anus. This is where it differs from the burp or Spanish burp. These latter, although they consist of the same matter, however, in the stomach they choose a path out through the top, either because of the close proximity of this opening, or because the stomach is too hard or full, or because of some other obstacles, preventing them from following the lower path. A burp, according to our definitions, is inextricably linked with a fart, although there are some among them that are more disgusting than any fart: let us remember how once at the court of Louis the Great, a certain ambassador, in the midst of all the splendor and grandeur that this august monarch presented to him with his admiring gaze, belched the most in a peasant manner, assuring that in his country belching is an indispensable attribute of the noble sedateness that reigns in those parts. So don't judge one too unfavorably while giving preference to the other; whether the winds come up or down, it is all the same, and there should not be the slightest doubt about this. Indeed, we read in the second volume of Fourtiere’s Dictionary Generale that one vassal in the county of Suffolk had to perform one jump, one burp and one fart in front of the king on Christmas Day.
And yet, it would be inappropriate to include belching either in the class of colitis winds, or in the class of grumbling and bloating, which also belong to the winds of the same type and, although revealing themselves with a characteristic rumble in the intestines, still do not appear immediately, but with somewhat late, reminiscent of a prologue to a comedy or harbingers of a coming storm. Young maidens and ladies who tie themselves tightly with corsets in order to emphasize their waist are especially susceptible to this. In them, as Fernel claims, the intestines, which doctors call Coecum, are stretched and inflated to such an extent that the winds contained there arrange battles in the abdominal cavity no worse than those that once took place between the winds locked by Aeolus in the caves of the Aeolian Mountains: it is quite possible count on their strength when going on a long sea voyage, or turn the wings of windmills. To finally prove the validity of our definition, all that remains is to talk about the ultimate goal of the fart, which sometimes comes down to bodily health, as nature desires, and sometimes turns into pleasure or even pleasure that the arts give us; but let us put this question aside for now and consider it together with the question of consequences and results. See the relevant app chapters.
Let us note, however, that we do not share in any way and even, on the contrary, categorically reject any goals that would be harmful to health or contrary to good taste; such excesses, speaking politely and in good conscience, have no place at all among reasonable and pleasurable goals.
It’s not customary to talk about this in society, but we’ll still talk!
Have you ever wondered why we fart? Although, probably, there is no need to think about it - this is a natural process that helps our body get rid of air bubble masses that arise in the intestines due to decay products.
The main role in this is played by beneficial bacteria found in our gastrointestinal tract. However, sometimes there is increased farting (gas production). In other words, we want to emit gases anywhere and everywhere - at home, at work, in bed with our loved ones... In this case, we are looking for any ways to get rid of gases. Let's talk about this.
What makes us fart?
First, let's explain that increased gas emission begins when air accumulates in the intestines, expanding it or the stomach and causing some discomfort. This results in both burping from the mouth and farting from the rectum. There are several reasons for increased gas emissions, including:
- Chewing food quickly and not too thoroughly;
- if a person eats while experiencing some nervous discomfort;
- binge eating;
- when we eat for the coming sleep;
- an allergic reaction to certain foods, for example, potatoes, garlic and mushrooms with eggs.
By the way, farting from pregnant women is the most common occurrence, because the fetus growing in the womb puts pressure on the rectum. If the reason for the question of how to get rid of gases is only this, then you shouldn’t bother, but what if this is not the case? We need to identify it urgently!
If farting is systematic, then you should visit a doctor. It is he who will advise you on this matter, recommend methods and means on how to get rid of gases easily and quickly. By the way, speaking about doctors within the framework of such a delicate topic, it is impossible not to mention the main therapist of our television - Elena Vasilyevna Malysheva. Personally, she doesn’t see anything wrong with excessive gas production. According to her, she herself happily “blows out two liters of air a day” /quote/. And recently, a respected professor has approved the emission of intestinal gases... during orgasm! The doctor, of course, knows better. We won't argue here.
- First of all, try to chew what you eat thoroughly, and with your mouth closed. This will prevent air bubbles from forming down the esophagus into the stomach and then into the intestines.
- Bifidobacteria know very well how to get rid of gas in the stomach. The fact is that they are able to create a favorable environment in our stomach, coping well with emerging air masses, preventing them from entering the intestines.
- Drink as little strong coffee and tea as possible. Do not eat too hot or, conversely, very cold foods, as this also contributes to the ingestion of excess air and, as a result, increased gas formation.
- In the end, go to the pharmacy and buy special products there aimed at solving the issue of how to get rid of gases in the body. These are activated carbon or special food enzymes. You should take B vitamins and magnesium with potassium from time to time as these minerals help reduce bloating. By the way, teas made from brewed chamomile, peppermint, as well as ordinary dill water also help well in combating this problem.
Flatulence affects about 30% of the total population. It is typical that during flatulence, gases are released 300 times a day, which is 20 times more often than normal. (M. Lewitt).
At the beginning of the third millennium, in an age of unprecedented advances in science and technology, man is still faced with miracles. But now, unlike his predecessors, he increasingly asks the question: why? Science provides the answer. She persistently dispels the “fog of secrecy.” More recently, researchers have solved the mystery of two more phenomena.
On January 5, 1996, during a treatment session at the barocenter of the St. Petersburg Pediatric Academy, 12-year-old Sasha Chekeres burned alive in a pressure chamber. The criminal case into this tragic incident was dropped due to the fact that four months after the tragedy, the remains of a lighter, which the boy allegedly carried with him, were allegedly found at the scene of the incident.
In recent years, similar fires in single-person medical pressure chambers have occurred in other cities: Minsk, Rostov-on-Don, Barnaul, Yekaterinburg, Moscow, Krasnoyarsk, Irkutsk. In some cases, nothing is known about the causes of fires in such pressure chambers, since investigative experiments were not carried out. What was the cause of the fires?
Lurking danger
In Russia, 99% of medical institutions are equipped with single-place medical pressure chambers, which are unsafe to use because the pressure increases with medical oxygen. Fires in them occur violently, like a slow explosion, with a rapid increase in pressure and temperature (up to 1400 ° C). In multi-place pressure chambers, which are filled not with oxygen, but with air, the likelihood of a fire is lower. And even if this happened, some victims managed to escape (albeit with body burns and poisoning from combustion products).
There are many causes of fire in pressure chambers: flammable items (lighters, matches, transistors, etc.); static electricity; clothing that accumulates an electric charge (nylon, nylon, etc.); even cotton fabric washed many times can spontaneously ignite; cosmetics; some intercoms.
In “silent” cases of fires in a pressure chamber filled with oxygen, intestinal gases, abundantly released from patients, may be to blame. This version was put forward by Vladimir Ivanovich Tyurin, an employee of the Military Medical Academy, Candidate of Medical Sciences.
Explosive mixtures inside a person
What could be burning there, you ask? Not only burn, but also explode! American flatologists (doctors who study the formation of intestinal gases in various parts of the intestine, their composition, volume and frequency of release) determined that these gases contain approximately 60% nitrogen, 5% oxygen, 15% carbon dioxide and 20% hydrogen. And hydrogen sulfide, methane, carbon monoxide, and mercaptan also “wander” inside us. All this either burns well or explodes when combined in certain proportions with oxygen.
Researchers have even found out which parts of the intestine produce which gases. To do this, 11 volunteers were given three tubes (into the stomach through the mouth and into the intestines through the anus) for 14 days. Well, they probably suffered too much. But now a lot is known.
It turns out that when an average lunch is digested, almost 15 liters of gases are formed! True, only a few percent of them come out with farts, and the rest penetrates the intestinal walls into the blood and is excreted through the lungs.
Normally, the amount of intestinal gases is small - 0.9-1.0 l. With flatulence (bloating), this volume increases to 5-10 liters, due to flammable and explosive gases - hydrogen and methane. There are even cases of inflammation and explosions of intestinal gases during operations and complex medical procedures.
It is possible that an explosive mixture is formed under the patient’s blanket in the pressure chamber.
As you know, oxygen barotherapy is prescribed to sick people. This nonspecific method treats many serious diseases: gas gangrene, extensive burns, sepsis, heart and vascular diseases, psoriasis, periodontal disease, gastrointestinal disorders and much more.
Thus, patients in a pressure chamber emit flammable gases not only from the intestines, but also when breathing.
"Fresh breath"
Since the time of Hippocrates, doctors have been able to identify diseases by the smell of exhaled air. In patients with diabetes, the exhalation “smells” of acetone, in case of severe liver damage a fishy odor emanates, in case of renal failure the mouth “pulls” urine, and in case of a lung abscess a putrid stench is emitted.
Breath analysis was first carried out in 1784 by Antoine Laurent Lavoisier (who discovered the role of oxygen in combustion) and the French mathematician Pierre Laplace. They did this on a guinea pig and found that the animal inhales oxygen and exhales carbon dioxide. Other volatile components of exhaled air have been discovered only since the mid-19th century.
In 1971, there were 250 known volatile organic compounds in exhaled air, and currently there are about 400 of them, including flammable methane and hydrogen.
Dangerous fun
Some people use the burning properties of intestinal gases for entertainment. This is often shown in youth comedies. A certain Michael Lewitt set fire to his waste gases with a burning torch. Sometimes the flame length reached 25 cm or more.
And a few years ago, the Irish newspaper The Irish Times, in an article entitled “Gone with the Wind,” spoke about the serious consequences of such entertainment. One of the farmers in County Offaly decided to make a joke and released gases onto a lit match to trace their trajectory while in a cowshed. And he didn’t calculate: the trajectory turned out to be so great that the fire, under the pressure of intestinal gases (which can burst out at a speed of 0.1 to 1.1 m/s), reached a haystack. And after a few minutes everything burned down.
It’s better to have “harmless” fun following the example of rock and roll star Rod Stewart. Together with his wife, supermodel Rachel Hunter, he indulges in his favorite pastime and even competes with her, betting big money on who can fire the loudest “burst of charges.” The biggest nuisance for outsiders is the spoiled air.
"Heavenly Voice"
But is the release of gases in a pressure chamber really that dangerous, the reader may doubt?
According to foreign and domestic researchers, about 30% of the entire population suffers from flatulence, while gases are released almost 300 times a day (20 times more often than normal). It is estimated that during flatulence, people pass gas 12-13 times per hour, with the volume of each “charge” being 40 ml or more.
Flatulence often occurs after operations. To reduce it, patients are sometimes placed in a single medical pressure chamber. With increased pressure, the patient's stomach drops, intestinal motility is restored, and intestinal gases begin to escape. Surgeons call this the “heavenly voice.” This “voice” manifests itself especially strongly when the pressure in the pressure chamber decreases. This is where spontaneous combustion of the released methane, hydrogen sulfide or detonating gas can occur.
The potential for a fire or explosion in the pressure chamber due to the accumulation of intestinal gases has been substantiated by experts. However, not everyone finds this reason convincing. In the event of a hyperbaric chamber fire at the Pediatric Academy of St. Petersburg, the commission examining this incident did not consider it necessary to mention intestinal gases among the probable causes of the tragedy.
Astronauts burned in oxygen
In 1971, a Soviet cosmonaut died on Earth in a fire in a soundproofing chamber filled with pure oxygen (under a pressure of 259 mm Hg). When oxygen burns, the temperature increases very quickly, even lead wires and stainless steel melt.
In 1977, in the USA, three astronauts burned to death in the cabin of a spacecraft, also filled with pure oxygen (at a pressure of 270 mm Hg). After this, in order to increase fire safety, the Americans began to use a nitrogen-oxygen mixture (69% nitrogen and 31% oxygen) in spacecraft, and only compressed air in pressure chambers.
And in Italy, due to the danger of fires, they completely abandoned the use of single-place medical pressure chambers.
But is it dangerous to “shoot intestinal charges” in space? After all, when a gas stream flows from the astronaut’s anus, jet thrust is created. At what speed does such a jet allow movement inside and outside the ship?
One of the Russian cosmonauts who went into outer space said that this problem is not relevant. The force of the released jet is less than the total impulse of the thrust of one's own breathing. A serious problem that even dissertations are devoted to is the blanket air that each of us breathes.
(Much more problems when working in space are caused by the beating of the heart: in zero gravity, the body vibrates due to its impacts. This prevents astronauts from working on ultra-precise optical instruments. They have to fix the body in order to accurately “aim” at the crosspiece of the device.)
It turns out that it’s safe to blow gases in space, you won’t even hit your head.
By the way, a person “salutes” from the intestines on average 8 times a day, that is, 2900 times a year, and over the course of a lifetime, a man releases a burst of gases of 209 thousand charges, and a woman – 232 thousand. Plus it makes a noise effect!
Dangerous occupation
It turns out that the “heavenly voice” (as surgeons call this phenomenon) sometimes has more than serious and tragic consequences. Los Angeles researcher Jim Dawson published an entire book, Who Cut the Cheese, dedicated to the "cultural history of farting." Some excerpts from it indicate the severity of the problem.
For example, a single “blank shot” cost the lives of 10 thousand people in the 1st century AD. A Roman soldier decided to express his contempt for the Jews and loudly released gases in the presence of a crowd of thousands. The people were outraged and staged a riot, during which many innocent people died.
“Pour me a drink!”
In 1998, during one of the fires in the Vyborg district of St. Petersburg, two firefighters admitted that in their practice they had encountered unexplained cases of spontaneous combustion of people. Official reports only record cases of fires and casualties. Spontaneous combustion of people, if it occurs, is counted as a casualty, without specifying the cause.
The fire tamers refused to give names: the authorities do not like extraneous conversations at the sites.
About three years ago, Nikolai was on call in a communal apartment in the Vyborg district. Neighbors called the fire department when smoke and a strong burning smell came from the drunkard’s room. Arriving firefighters broke down the door and saw a completely drunk, burned man on the floor. His body had terrible burns and was charred in places. The clothing has been preserved in fragments. When they began to lift him, the man woke up and began to ask: “Pour me a drink!” Then he died. What’s surprising: except for him, nothing burned in the room. Even if he had set himself on fire, the furniture would have caught fire, but here everything remained intact.
One acquaintance who recently worked in the fire department heard about a similar case from colleagues from the Nevsky district. From time to time, reports appear in the press about people burning from the inside. The reasons for such incidents remain a mystery.
Blazing from within
This dramatic incident occurred on February 19, 1725 in a small Parisian hotel and became the first official evidence of spontaneous human combustion. The wife of the owner, Jacques Millet, suffering from alcoholism, went down to the basement, taking with her a bottle of wine. The owner fell asleep without waiting for his wife. The smell of burning woke him up. Jacques Millet quickly got dressed and rushed to the basement. There a terrible picture appeared before his eyes: the remains of an unfortunate woman were smoldering on a chair.
The court tried to accuse the hotel owner of premeditated murder, but the innocent man was saved from execution by one surprising circumstance: his wife burned out from the inside. The victim's clothes turned out to be unscorched! The doctor Le Sha, who was at the hotel that night, was able to prove to the judges that not a single mortal is able to burn a human body without damaging surrounding objects.
Such chilling incidents are far from uncommon in the annals of history. Most often, overweight women addicted to wine became victims of spontaneous combustion. Therefore, even 300 years ago, many believed that this was God’s punishment for an unrighteous lifestyle. But sometimes fire also punished innocent people.
American Jack Angell, completely sober, went to bed in his camper on November 12, 1974. He woke up only four days later and saw with horror that his right hand had burned to the ground. Significant areas of skin on his back were also burned. When questioned, the unfortunate man could not say anything intelligible. He could only remember “a strange semblance of an explosion in his chest.” Neighbors at the campsite, who came to the rescue, were amazed to find Jack Angel wearing intact pajamas.
Forensic medical experts were also extremely surprised - the victim’s hand was burned from the inside. This was evidenced by the preserved skin and bone in some places, which had turned to ash. Experts spent more than two years disassembling and reassembling Jack's campervan, trying to discover the cause of the mystery in it, but to no avail.
They started burning more often
In 1985, several cases of spontaneous combustion of people occurred in England. So, on January 28, a young student who went down to the hall of Widnes College in Cheshire suddenly burst into flames in front of her shocked friends and soon died.
Another victim was elderly widow Mary Carter, who was found dead in the hallway of her flat in Ivor Road, Sparkhill, Birmingham. Although there were matches in the room, they were not found near the corpse. They could not figure out where the fire came from.
A month later, 19-year-old computer operator Paul Hayes' stomach flared while he was calmly walking on Stephen Green in London. He managed to get to the hospital, where doctors saved him because the fire burned for about 30 seconds.
In 1988, a 71-year-old woman in England survived spontaneous combustion, but her husband was seriously burned while rescuing his wife from the fire.
In April 1990, a 14-year-old boy from Hunan Province, China, burst into flames several times. Small streams of flame erupted from the round pores on his skin.
On May 29 of the same year in Los Angeles (USA), 26-year-old Angela Hernandez, a patient at a medical center, suddenly burst into flames on the operating table and died.
Similar cases are known in Russia. One of them occurred in October 1990 on the border of the Saratov and Volgograd regions. Two shepherds accidentally wandered onto the slope of a hill, which, according to local beliefs, should be avoided. Feeling tired, one of them sat down on a stone (according to other sources, he sat down out of great need), and the other went to calm the sheep, which were frightened by something. Returning from the flock, the shepherd discovered the burnt corpse of his partner. No more than five minutes passed.
Before the doctors and police arrived, the body was transferred to a cart. Eyewitnesses testified that his clothes were not damaged by the flames. However, when the body was removed from the cart, its bottom turned out to be burnt. The case of accusing the shepherd of setting his partner on fire was closed due to lack of evidence.
Theoretical spark
Can these strange cases of living torches be explained? According to South African professor Jackie van Strijp, there may be several hypotheses. The most plausible is the following: our body contains chemical elements (for example, phosphorus), which, when in contact with each other or air, can spontaneously ignite. Probably, under certain conditions, in an unknown way, pure phosphorus formed reacts with oxygen and... explodes.
Another assumption is based on the fact that other substances can also ignite: flammable gases released by the body, as well as fats, which are especially abundant in the body of fat people. A theoretical spark capable of igniting a combustible mixture can be formed as a result of the difference in electrostatic potentials of individual internal organs.
In the 19th century, a popular hypothesis was the spontaneous combustion of drunkards, whose bodies were soaked in alcohol and therefore burst into flames from any spark, even when smoking.
The listed hypotheses still cannot explain why, in most cases, surrounding objects, and sometimes even the clothes of the victims, remain intact.
A number of researchers of this phenomenon make other assumptions. The fire that burns the unfortunate person from the inside is caused by ball lightning, microwave radiation and even... the reaction of atomic fusion in the body.
Which hypothesis will be correct?
Recently, British researchers have uncovered a mystery that has existed for almost three centuries. It was found that the cause of the phenomenon is methane. It accumulates in the intestines due to dysfunction of the digestive system. Sometimes it is enough to light a cigarette at the wrong time for the gas accumulated in the cavities of the body to ignite.
The ability of unusual fire to destroy bones is no longer a mystery. The experimenters roasted a fattened pig over low heat for 5 hours. It turned out that the bones of the animal that died in the name of science became black, easily crumbling firebrands.
The fat helped turn them into ashes. It turned out that the fat layer of mammals significantly increases the destructive power of the flame. This discovery also made it possible to explain the mysterious preservation of the lower part of the body in victims of spontaneous combustion. As you know, there is practically no fat on the legs.
From the book “Phenomena, Mysteries, Hypotheses” Potapov A.V.
O. Zhuravleva- It’s 21 hours and almost 4 minutes in Moscow, this is “Nevzorovsky Wednesdays”, my name is Olga Zhuravleva. And Alexander Nevzorov greets us from St. Petersburg.
A. Nevzorov- Olenka, hello!
O. Zhuravleva- Hello.
A. Nevzorov- Dymarsky is nearby, who wants to talk about the event at Helvetia.
O. Zhuravleva― Vitaly Dymarsky, good evening.
V. Dymarsky- Good evening, we always start with our events.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. And their event is interesting.
V. Dymarsky- “Amateur readings.”
A. Nevzorov― “Amateur Readings” with a very interesting and, I would say, strong, one of the most powerful to date...
V. Dymarsky- Dystopians.
A. Nevzorov― Dystopians and in general, as it were, quite even publicists.
V. Dymarsky- Well, yes. This is Dmitry Glukhovsky tomorrow at Helvetia at 7 pm. Still available for now.
O. Zhuravleva- Are there still tickets available?
V. Dymarsky- A little, but there is.
A. Nevzorov- It makes sense to listen to him, and it makes sense to talk about him, and talk to him.
Let's go.
O. Zhuravleva- Let's talk to you.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
V. Dymarsky- Let's. What do you have with dystopias? In Moscow.
O. Zhuravleva- In Moscow, as you know, there is a debate going on around renovations, but we’ll probably get back to them a little later, right? This happens in St. Petersburg too.
V. Dymarsky- We don’t have a single five-story building in St. Petersburg...
A. Nevzorov- Yes, of course, but with us it’s all much more noble and without all this Moscow rudeness, without Moscow’s stupid scale and intoxication with the opportunity to legally mock people and in this way too.
O. Zhuravleva- Listen, but Putin said that he would never sign any decree if people’s rights were not fully respected. Putin is a bunny.
A. Nevzorov- No, he’s not a bunny...
V. Dymarsky- He's not a bunny, he's an angel.
A. Nevzorov: Their brains turn off in the presence of their superiors, that is, they work only with their backs and only bending
O. Zhuravleva- He's an angel, yes, sorry.
A. Nevzorov- Fine. But Vladimir Vladimirovich, he still trusts excessively to people who, probably, should not be trusted, because even in this story with the angel, in general, they somehow managed to make Vladimir Vladimirovich look very wrong. After all, it is clear that assistant professors turn off their brains in the presence of their superiors, that is, they work only with their backs and only in a bend. And so they somehow forgot to tell him when he heard that...
V. Dymarsky- ... that he is an angel?
A. Nevzorov- No, he didn’t just hear, he saw...
O. Zhuravleva- Like an angel fights the devil.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. Film from the Geographical Society, and immediately applied all this to himself, calling himself an angel. Unfortunately, no one explained to him what the angelfish is - besides the fact that it is, excuse me, a gastropod...
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, I noticed this.
A. Nevzorov- This is also a hermaphrodite, Olya, right?
O. Zhuravleva- ABOUT…
A. Nevzorov- Yes. Moreover, it is angelfish, which is the most offensive and disgusting thing in this story, that toothless dwarf whales, as well as blue whales, feed on. True, the only thing that, perhaps, allows the leader of a state to compare himself with such a creature is that the sea angel really eats very picturesquely, I must say, yes. He manages to stick such keratinized chitinous processes into the shell of this very monkfish and scratches this devil out for a long, long time, when he simply gets tired of this whole vile procedure of scratching and snatching it from him piece by piece, and he crawls out straight into the mouth opening of the so-called angel.
V. Dymarsky― Alexander Glebovich, let’s reassure our listeners - this is not behavior.
A. Nevzorov- No, this is not behavior yet.
O. Zhuravleva- But, by the way, you shouldn’t have offended the assistant professors, as you say.
A. Nevzorov- Why?
O. Zhuravleva- Because maybe it was so special, it was a subtle hint. Everything you describe can be attributed to Vladimir Vladimirovich and is not quite complementary.
A. Nevzorov- Well, I don’t know, at least here I should have been more careful, and Vladimir Vladimirovich should not have picked up this story with the angel and the devil so joyfully. Therefore, let’s not elevate it to some criteria, to some, let’s say, estimated values of everything, so let’s talk about Khrushchev a little later.
O. Zhuravleva- Come on, okay.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, we have a lot of things besides this, interesting and, perhaps, not so bloody. We recently had an assault on the Reichstag.
V. Dymarsky- This is military action, how is it not so bloody? What are you doing?
O. Zhuravleva- Well, okay, this is a reconstruction.
A. Nevzorov- It was a fight between cotton wool and plywood. That's what it was.
V. Dymarsky- No blood.
A. Nevzorov- No, well, they bloodied someone’s noses there, good stuntmen worked there, but since everyone understood the conventions and some bastardism, let’s say, of the action, they worked, as they say, almost without a spark and didn’t give their best. And everything was decided only by a huge crowd and that cool, calm attitude, an attitude as if it were a reconstruction, an attitude as if it were something decorative - well, this is some kind of ritual of sacrificing plywood buildings, as a sacrifice to the God of Victory. But I would say that almost everyone participating there was already, to put it mildly, atheists.
O. Zhuravleva- Tell me, Alexander Glebovich, would you, as a stuntman, want to participate in such an event? So that Shoigu can admire you from the podium?
V. Dymarsky- And if so, on whose side?
O. Zhuravleva- By the way!
A. Nevzorov- As always, it’s a question of price.
O. Zhuravleva- Oh, that’s it!
A. Nevzorov- Yes, that’s absolutely right.
V. Dymarsky- Would you defend the Reichstag?
A. Nevzorov: Uncle Zyu will gladly sprinkle himself with the “Smell of Ilyich” and will be popular
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- In reconstruction, of course.
A. Nevzorov- Of course not. I don’t do reconstructions at all and don’t really understand why they are needed. Moreover, I believe that this is one of the funniest types of lies and lies, because really, under the guise of history, we are, as it were, offered as history its dried, polished, perfumed version, a surrogate that it never was, because everything that happened then was, of course, a billion times more monstrous, a billion times more extreme and far from being so victorious, beautiful, heroic and necessary, because, after all, we know that this unfortunate Rechstag and Berlin were taken precisely in order to to meet certain dates, that tens and hundreds of thousands of people were packed so that, God forbid, the British or Americans would not come there. Therefore, everything is not so simple at all, and I would generally refrain from all these religious events.
V. Dymarsky- No matter how cynical it sounds, but in my opinion, from the point of view of such purely financial costs, it was cheaper, in my opinion, then than it is now.
A. Nevzorov- Maybe.
V. Dymarsky- Now it’s a third of a billion dollars...
A. Nevzorov- Perhaps, yes, we don’t yet know how much we sawed off from this. But, however, this is no longer our business, it happened, and Russia’s insane passion for showing off was, to some extent, managed to be satisfied for some time.
O. Zhuravleva- But tell me, Alexander Glebovich, also about the passion for showing off and about the attitude towards history. In connection with Lenin's birthday, the theme of the mausoleum arose again - to close, open, bury... What should be done here?
A. Nevzorov- And you know, here you need to calculate how much it costs to maintain this luxurious corpse, and if there are people who are ready to invest in it, if there are people who can shell out money for a barrel so that all this continues to exist in this form, so let it be. In general, this is a goldmine. After all, you can organize luxurious shows there, in this mausoleum, right? Well, a nerve-wracking show: “A Night with Ilyich,” huh?
V. Dymarsky- Corporate events.
O. Zhuravleva- You can sell magnets with Ilyich there.
A. Nevzorov- It can be taken to corporate events. He can be taken to GUM, where he would work as a mannequin for the latest collection, Dolce&Gabbana. It would be possible to publish perfumes, release perfumes - you remember “The Smell of Ilyich” from Soviet times.
O. Zhuravleva- And the soap “In Lenin’s Places”, yes, of course.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. No, if there are such perfumes, then we will be able to recognize communists by their smell.
O. Zhuravleva- Many people recognize them anyway.
A. Nevzorov- Uncle Zyu will be very happy to sprinkle himself with the “Smell of Ilyich” and will enjoy even greater popularity among himself...
V. Dymarsky- But tell me, you’re a big fan of all sorts of scientific things, but in this whole operation to preserve Ilyich, is there some kind of scientific component?
A. Nevzorov- There is a very large scientific component, but everything that could be milked from this story, everything that could be learned, has already been learned. In addition, as you yourself understand, Vladimir Ilyich lies in the mausoleum, being absolutely brainless.
O. Zhuravleva- Of course, the brain is stored in another place.
A. Nevzorov- It is not stored, it was a long time ago...
V. Dymarsky- Seized.
A. Nevzorov- It has long been divided into many microslides; it was used back in the days of Sarkisov, the then director of the Brain Institute. In general, it all started with Karl Vogt, who was invited by the Bolsheviks, and then the neuromorphologists who studied Lenin’s brain were faced with the task of finding something extraordinary in Lenin’s brain at all costs that distinguishes this brain from the brains of other people.
V. Dymarsky- Found it?
A. Nevzorov- No, they absolutely didn’t find it, and they couldn’t find it, because, well, there is no correlation between talents, between inclinations and between anatomy and even microanatomy. Does not exist.
V. Dymarsky- But the famous St. Petersburg Bekhterev clinic dealt with the brain, yes, now the Chernigov clinic deals with the brain.
A. Nevzorov- As for Chernigovskaya, understand, for example, you are a physicist, right?
V. Dymarsky- Well, just for example.
A. Nevzorov- Eg. And you are serious about physics, you already know that a propagator is not just a plant box, you can use the wave function. Then you open a book that says that Einstein is a fool, that gravity is a Jewish invention, and that the Earth is flat.
That is, both Chernigov and all these, let’s say, today’s movements, including Savelyev, this is already such a parascience, these are what are called alternativeists who have moved away from Einstein’s theory, the theory of brain physiology, this is Pavlov’s theory, This is a theory of conditioned reflexes, and which, in general, are funny, but do not deserve serious conversation.
V. Dymarsky- I will invite Chernigovskaya so that she can answer you.
A. Nevzorov: There is a type of show business called the Russian Orthodox Church, they play their role-playing games
A. Nevzorov- Let those who are able to pay for this fun pay for it, or it’s time to stop all this fun.
V. Dymarsky- I think that this can be combined, we can take not the Reichstag, but the mausoleum.
A. Nevzorov- Can.
O. Zhuravleva― I apologize, Alexander Glebovich, this issue has actually been seriously occupying me for a long time, and every time officials begin to say that this issue can be discussed, when it will not be such a hot topic, when Lenin’s body can cause a split. Is it really true that such a huge number of people in the country still revere Vladimir Ilyich? I have a feeling that a huge mass of the population no longer even knows who he is. Where does this idea come from that Lenin’s burial can cause a social explosion, split and other disasters? How do you think?
A. Nevzorov- Don't know.
O. Zhuravleva- Maybe they’re just all old now?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that this is a fantasy. Maybe there will actually be a few pensioners shaking their string bags and beating their earflaps on the paving stones of Red Square, but no events will happen in connection with this. And most importantly, it’s not necessary, really, if there is an opportunity to make money from this story and open JSC “Mausoleum” to someone, then let them open it. And there is no need to interfere with this business, the only question is who will it go to.
V. Dymarsky- But today Sergei Stepashin said that he was a witness, he was then the Minister of Internal Affairs under Yeltsin, that Yeltsin allegedly ordered in 1998, if I’m not mistaken, not only to bury Lenin, but also to demolish the mausoleum. What should we do with the mausoleum? Demolish or leave under joint stock company?
A. Nevzorov- I think it would be possible to organize a cool boutique there.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, by the way, when there was a handbag there, remember the famous handbag on Red Square?
A. Nevzorov- Yes Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- There were such jokes when the mausoleum was painted accordingly in the photographs. It would work quite well.
A. Nevzorov- No, the building is nice, and this mummy can be left there if some worthy commercial use is found for it, because it no longer works as a symbol of anything. And I am absolutely not interested in discussing the merits or demerits of Ilyich, they are all in the distant past, and this has no impact on our lives today. Only, of course, there are gourmets, there are specialists in historical subtleties and details, but there are not so many of them to take into account in the broad sense of the word...
V. Dymarsky- But you never know what happened a long time ago? Long ago Nicholas II...
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, I also thought about “Matilda”.
V. Dymarsky- But it still doesn’t give me peace.
A. Nevzorov- Well, now Medvedev has stood up for Matilda.
V. Dymarsky- Yes.
A. Nevzorov- To my deepest surprise.
V. Dymarsky- What surprised you?
A. Nevzorov“I was surprised that Medvedev, who is usually very obedient to the general Kremlin tendency, was suddenly entrusted with either going against it or voicing it. This is amazing, this is strange.
V. Dymarsky- Do you think that these are all pro-Kremlin affairs?..
A. Nevzorov- And I don’t think that anyone has the right to make any ad-libbes about serious topics from those stands and from those heights. The fact is that here, it must be said, the intelligentsia itself again let us down, because there was no need to rattle the spine. And you explain to the same Teacher once again that there are no legal regulations that would oblige him to even know that Nicholas II is a saint.
There is a kind of show business called the Russian Orthodox Church, they play their role-playing games with dressing up, where they can call each other whatever they want, that’s how we have mushroom elves in Udelny Park, there are people who play gnomes in all seriousness and call each other by Thorin Oakenshield or “Your dwarvenness,” “Your baseness.” In the same way, inside this role-playing game of the Russian Orthodox Church, they can call each other whatever they want, but we are not obliged to know who their saint is, we are not obliged to think about this topic at all, there are no legal grounds to force us to do this or demand it, so that we are aware of this.
And besides, you had to honestly say: here you have your Nicholas II, you want to worship him and shed tears over him, but we want to laugh, and for us this figure is pathetic and anecdotal. Don’t rattle your spine, don’t tell them that, oh, that’s how to avoid offending them a little. In the end, they can isolate themselves in their own little world, and no one has the right to get into this little world, and no one imposes this on them, because the Teacher does not have divisions of machine gunners who will drive poor Orthodox Christians into the cinema - whether to go or not, this their choice.
O. Zhuravleva- But in any case, Medvedev expressed sensible words - this is wonderful.
A. Nevzorov- Sound words and, perhaps, it really makes sense to move on to practice, when films, books, articles, and radio broadcasts will be marked with a certain sign such as that, well, they are not recommended for so-called believers.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, yes, “16+”, and “cross minus”.
V. Dymarsky- And to the deputies.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, “cross minus”, absolutely right. And then let the filmmakers and radio program hosts bear losses, maybe they will have a smaller audience, but...
V. Dymarsky- There is a danger there, because when they put the numbers 16+, the plus looks like a cross.
O. Zhuravleva- That's it, a disaster.
A. Nevzorov- I think we'll come up with...
O. Zhuravleva- And right here.
A. Nevzorov- They are offended again at everything. They are even offended - well, I looked at the mail on Ekho Moskvy, they are even offended that Gundyaev is called Gundyaev. But in this, for mercy’s sake, when I say “Gundyaev”, there’s not even any challenge in this, I’m just once again explaining that I don’t take part in this role-playing game with dressing up and therefore I call him by the name under which he exists in state.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, for some reason Poltavchenko can be called Poltavchenko, but Gundyaev cannot be called Gundyaev. Marvelous.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, you can talk about one more person, who is also called by his last name, that same Medvedev. Here is a Levada poll, which showed some terrible drops in ratings, incredible. Then there was the reaction of press secretary Timakova, who said that this was understandable, from Levada - this was a political order. Can you imagine who could order Levada to order Medvedev in this way? What kind of forces are so terrible in the country?
V. Dymarsky- Not only, by the way, Levada and Navalny, right?
A. Nevzorov- And in general to everyone else.
O. Zhuravleva- Rich people, we need to meet them. So. And who are these people?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that they will not condescend anyway, but to assume that a figure of such a large caliber in Russian politics can be attacked without Putin’s go-ahead is pointless and extremely naive. Another thing is that this could be a false attack, it could be an attempt to throw him off the scent so that, after dragging the figure of Medvedev a little in his toothless, edentulous slobbering gums, the public would have played enough and forgotten for some time, because the teeth then the public doesn’t have it anyway, and you can let anyone play without fear that “anyone” will be eaten. We know that this still remains, let's say, very, very theoretical.
V. Dymarsky- Alexander Glebovich, by the way, tell me, as a St. Petersburg resident with experience, I would say to us, St. Petersburg residents without experience. Medvedev, he is still younger, he was part of his time, there, in the 90s, in this St. Petersburg circle, which almost entirely moved to Moscow?
A. Nevzorov- Well, very much, I would say, like half a foot, a quarter of a foot, well, maybe even one big toe, let’s put it this way.
V. Dymarsky- That is, he was not a full member of the cooperative?..
A. Nevzorov- No, he didn’t play these games at all then, he was mobilized and called up for civil service much later.
V. Dymarsky- Just because of age?
A. Nevzorov- Because he really has some real advantages - normal kindness, normal tolerance - he has a lot, and at that time he looked like a very reliable person. And now, really, I feel sorry for him, because of all this terrible host of bloodsuckers he is the most harmless, the kindest, the funniest and the most human-like. This is not Mizulina, who once again suddenly, after a long silence, took it and burst out...
O. Zhuravleva― Porn addicted children.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. About the fact that watching pornography leads to infertility. Well, it’s okay if she said it on her own, after all, it’s okay, because it’s hard to think with the help of a clamp, especially when there’s only one clamp. But she refers to some scientific research, it is quite possible that she simply confused the Ig Nobel Prize with the Nobel Prize. And some other explanations, but the truth is, she’s not supposed to know this either, she’s, in general, our girl, narrow-minded, but very fond of forbidding everything and talking about everything.
It’s clear that there are no connections, and maybe you will also be interested, because this is already from the history of pornography. And in the 18th century, this kind of product was in great demand and aroused interest, but then the golden youth of England and France used very poorly printed obstetric reference books, reference books for midwives, where nothing was visible at all.
O. Zhuravleva- Then indecent postcards appeared.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. But wait. Just imagine for a second what these 18th century engravings looked like. And yet, the youth of that time managed to masturbate, looking at this horror, and this horror was quite enough for them to be involved in some kind of first pornographic...
O. Zhuravleva- Well, by the way, they didn’t die out, which means it didn’t cause infertility.
A. Nevzorov- If you look at the first images, the first sculptures of humanity, they are absolutely pornographic, these are the so-called Neolithic Venuses.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes Yes.
A. Nevzorov- There are no faces there, it is not significant.
O. Zhuravleva- But there is a figure.
A. Nevzorov- There are gigantic breasts, a very deep vaginal (indistinct) outline, that is, two basic principles are outlined by which a woman differs from a man. But then, don’t forget, she still needed extraordinary corpulence, a woman was seen only as a reproductive machine, and, for the worst rainy day, food.
V. Dymarsky- This will now be called the initial accumulation of pornographic capital.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, that’s absolutely right. And yet, despite the fact that this pornography has been present since the very first days of human history, no one, as Olya rightly noted, really died. But everything here is inadequate. Just now they killed a Russian soldier in Armenia, I thought that the State Duma would definitely demand that Armenian radio be banned throughout the Russian Federation.
That is, everything is senile, and against this background Medvedev with his slippers and his harmless villas, well, believe me, the least of the evils.
O. Zhuravleva- You just said “villas”, I imagined Medvedev with a pitchfork and in slippers...
V. Dymarsky- We remembered the magazine “Crocodile”.
A. Nevzorov- Two “l”s sounded clearly there.
O. Zhuravleva- Good, yes.
A. Nevzorov: Against this background, Medvedev with his slippers and harmless villas is the least of evils
V. Dymarsky- Remember, Krokodil magazine? The crocodile stood with a pitchfork.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. With us, everything is, to one degree or another, extremely hypocritical, just like the hypocritical, ridiculous storming of the Reichstag. Also there, for example, poor Maksakova was left without a fee, although very...
V. Dymarsky- She was left without a husband.
A. Nevzorov“She was left without a fee because she fainted very convincingly, sobbed, feigned grief, but this billion-dollar inheritance somehow flew past her.
V. Dymarsky- Yes you!
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
V. Dymarsky- How did this pass me by?
A. Nevzorov- Although it was probably her best acting work.
O. Zhuravleva- Stop it! A great human feeling... You somehow deny natural manifestations to a person. Why is that? You even, I suppose, deny Macron that he married his teacher for love.
A. Nevzorov- No, I hope that he was guided by higher and brighter motives, that is, normal self-interest or the expectation of a quick inheritance. Then all this can be understood, forgiven and explained; it becomes, mind you, so immediately beautiful...
V. Dymarsky-Who are you rooting for? For Macron or for Marine Le Pen? Or don't you care?
A. Nevzorov- I don’t root for anyone at all. I am well. I don't care which one. Although, of course, LePensha made such picturesque and crazy mistakes that only a French woman could make, who poorly evaluates, let's say, herself and her appearance. This is her pilgrimage to Moscow, falling at the feet of Putin - it’s all very beautiful. But I am afraid that civilized Europe will not appreciate this demarche, and if it does, it will only be strictly negative.
V. Dymarsky- But the Americans appreciated Trump?
A. Nevzorov- Therefore, I think that this election is most likely - I explain, I’m not sick, I don’t care - this Macron will most likely win.
O. Zhuravleva- Here we take a break for news. These are “Nevzorov Wednesdays”. Alexander Nevzorov, Vitaly Dymarsky and Olga Zhuravleva will come to you after the news.
O. Zhuravleva- 21:35 in Moscow, this is “Nevzorovsky Wednesdays”. From Moscow is Olga Zhuravleva, and from St. Petersburg, as expected, are Alexander Nevzorov and Vitaly Dymarsky. Gentlemen, are you with us?
A. Nevzorov- Certainly.
V. Dymarsky- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- It’s good that you’re answering in chorus, well done. By the way, following up on what Alexander Glebovich said about Marine Le Pen, the European Parliament has begun the procedure for depriving Mrs. Le Pen of parliamentary immunity. She is suspected of organizing a scheme to pay salaries to her employees at the expense of European Union funds. Listen, it’s amazing, no matter who they are, no matter how humanoid they are or, on the contrary, ugly, in reality the majority turn out to be petty thieves. And these people, by the way, decide issues of war and peace in different countries...
V. Dymarsky- And these people forbid us to pick our noses...
O. Zhuravleva- ... they forbid us to pick our noses, watch “Matilda” or anything else. Terrible politicians.
A. Nevzorov- Look, we have the North Koreans again, this time they threatened Australia, right?
O. Zhuravleva- God! I missed everything.
A. Nevzorov-...they will bomb it...
V. Dymarsky- But they will feel sorry for New Zealand.
A. Nevzorov- Because the Australians brilliantly explained to the North Koreans that the North Koreans, as they say, have a short life...
O. Zhuravleva- And the Earth is round.
A. Nevzorov- But what an excellent diplomatic form they found in order to formalize and package this statement into text. But I think that sooner or later North Korea will unite with the DPR, and Zakharchenko and plump Kim, they will threaten the world together, they love to do this. Zakharchenko will threaten on Tuesdays, Kim Jong-un will threaten on Thursdays, and on Monday they will do it as a duet, because they both do it the same way...
V. Dymarsky- Thursday is fish day.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, our General Staff, Alexander Glebovich, reports that the US missile defense creates the opportunity for a covert nuclear strike on Russia. For a sudden nuclear strike or covert. The wording here differs, but I like it.
A. Nevzorov- Winter suddenly comes to us, stadiums suddenly collapse and subways explode, everything happens suddenly.
V. Dymarsky- Winter is suddenly ending here.
A. Nevzorov- It ended, but then, as you know, it started again.
V. Dymarsky- Yes, and it continues.
A. Nevzorov- The main thing for us is not to forget about behavior, because today, today directly and specifically, is Artemon’s day.
O. Zhuravleva- Which dog is this?
A. Nevzorov- No, Saint Artemon - his only merit and famous deed was that he sneaked into the temple of Artemis and there committed an act of primitive gross vandalism, for which even in the Russian Federation he would still get at least a five, if not 10 years of strict regime .
A. Nevzorov: I think that sooner or later North Korea will unite with the DPR, and Zakharchenko and Kim will together threaten the world
V. Dymarsky- No right of correspondence.
A. Nevzorov- He smashed all the ancient statues that came to his hand, and then set it all on fire. Moreover, we must understand that where we find evidence from some Gibbon that the early Christians destroyed almost all ancient art, there is no stretch in this. And even if we, so to speak, leave the story of Artemon on the conscience of the authors of the lives - perhaps everything was not so, it’s all always fantasy - then we must understand that ancient art was really exterminated with extraordinary passion.
And today’s stupid passion of priests for desecrating exhibitions, for banning operas, for encroaching on films - it all comes from there, because there are examples of behavior for them. And this Artemon, who became famous for his vicious vandalism against monuments of ancient art, is a saint, that is, this is a creature who is a model of behavior...
V. Dymarsky- Who declared him a saint?
A. Nevzorov- He is canonized by the Christian Church.
V. Dymarsky- The Vatican?
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- Or Orthodox?
A. Nevzorov- This is a common saint, this is also...
O. Zhuravleva- Is this before 1054?
A. Nevzorov- This is actually the 4th century.
O. Zhuravleva- It's clear.
A. Nevzorov- But where even these saints are not common, they are still Christian saints, and where we again pay attention to what style of behavior is proposed as normative, let’s remember Saint Margaret, who became famous for the fact that she played out the game and brought herself to such a state that there were worms in her clothes.
O. Zhuravleva- It seems to me that you have already talked about some similar heroine.
A. Nevzorov- No, it was another saint, I was talking then about Simeon the Stylite, who bred worms in the ulcers of his body.
O. Zhuravleva- It seems to me that you talk about worms every program.
A. Nevzorov- Wait, you and I talk about Christian saints all the time. Worms and Christian saints, they all crawl somewhere next to each other. And just understand that this Margarita I’m talking about was not some street homeless woman, she was the daughter of King Bela IV, she was a so-called princess. But no one wants to pay attention to the patterns of behavior that Margarita offers. They want to perfume, perfume themselves, today’s believers, and I think that if Christian saints gathered and sniffed, for example, the Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church, they would simply anathematize it at that very second only on one principle, on the principle of smells, yes ?
But there is a lot of cheerful hypocrisy, because, let’s remember, there was also such a Saint Macrina, she, too, in my opinion, was somewhere these days. Saint Macrina had a boil on her chest, but she said that she would rather die from blood poisoning and gangrene than show her chest to the doctor.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, it’s still very popular now.
V. Dymarsky- There is also a logic.
A. Nevzorov- I don’t remember any young girls now...
V. Dymarsky- But what chastity.
A. Nevzorov- Well, chastity is very relative...
O. Zhuravleva- And you just don’t look at all believers. In Islamic traditions, for example, someone called for the extermination of all male gynecologists, I don’t remember in which country. Well, not in the sense of exterminating, but in the sense of banning men from working as gynecologists. All for the same reason, because of chastity.
A. Nevzorov- This was accepted in Europe too, and even those masters of obstetrics who were recognized specialists, such as Ruysch, for example, before he began making a collection of his monstrous babies, now exhibited in the Kunstkamera, he was a famous gynecologist and an obstetrician, but he always carried out examinations in pitch darkness.
O. Zhuravleva- Oh my God!
V. Dymarsky- No matter what.
A. Nevzorov- So as not to see.
O. Zhuravleva- And you say, pornography.
V. Dymarsky- And so that she doesn’t see him.
A. Nevzorov- No, well, she’s fine, but one way or another, the doctor was not allowed to look, he could very approximately...
V. Dymarsky- Feel everything.
A. Nevzorov- By touch, and as I understand it, there were a couple of other midwives, midwives and Mizulins of that time standing nearby, who beat him on the hands so that he wouldn’t touch something wrong. That is, it was also very difficult for European doctors...
O. Zhuravleva- But the years passed.
A. Nevzorov- As the years passed, ideas about decency changed. By the way, I’ll bring it to you sooner or later, you love all this historical crap, there’s such a wonderful book by Caspar d’Horneau. You don’t know, no?
O. Zhuravleva- No.
A. Nevzorov: Worms and Christian saints, they all crawl somewhere next to each other
A. Nevzorov― This Caspar d'Horneau, who translated Nicolas Hurteau, a treatise, a book called “The Art of Emitting Gases.” And there, in all seriousness...
O. Zhuravleva- Alexander Glebovich, some of us write that they are having dinner.
A. Nevzorov- Okay, let them put on gas masks.
V. Dymarsky- And this is Alexander Glebovich who wants to donate this to Gazprom.
A. Nevzorov- Absolutely right.
A. Nevzorov- And there 7 types are described, as different classes were allowed to do this. How the girls were supposed to do it, how the masons could do it, and how the archbishop, for example, could do it. That is, everything then was very graduated and very fun. Ideas about decency in general were completely different.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, a question for this case, this, in general, is also included in behavior. Glazyev told us that the recipe for saving the economy is to live according to the commandments of Christ: to love each other and so on. Could you list the commandments that are necessary to save the economy?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that maybe the Russian Federation should better think about changing God, because Jesus Iosifovich does not ensure the precision of bombing, nor the success of import substitution, something incomprehensible is happening with the national currency, and now there are a lot deities who hang around without work with excellent recommendations.
For example, there is the ancient Egyptian goddess Mut. A wonderful creature, she should be very popular with voters and should make a wonderful impression on the Russian population - she gives birth to living soldiers.
O. Zhuravleva- Wow! Comfortable.
A. Nevzorov- She fiercely hates tourism, cosmetics and travel. But the best thing is that the cult actions associated with the goddess Mut are much simpler than in Christianity; kilometers of brocade are not required. In order to make a sacrifice and serve the goddess Mut, the country's leadership and the high priesthood must come to the bank of a deep river and perform the act of releasing semen into this river, and this should incredibly increase milk yield, productivity...
V. Dymarsky- GDP...
A. Nevzorov― ... national currency exchange rate, GDP. At least in Ancient Egypt all this was tested.
O. Zhuravleva- And it all worked.
V. Dymarsky- And such a simple recipe: “don’t steal,” - that’s what they offer us.
A. Nevzorov- No, what are you talking about!
V. Dymarsky- At the same time, “thou shalt not kill,” by the way.
A. Nevzorov- No, no, let’s avoid extremism. Don't forget, the article applies, be careful.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, about extremism. Jehovah's Witnesses were recognized as extremists. Is this fair, don't you think? You don’t like all believers.
A. Nevzorov- No, that’s not necessary, Olya, well, my friend, at least don’t repeat this stupidity! I treat all believers with great sympathy and great attention. I say that I am an entomologist, I study, I study them, and an entomologist cannot help but love beetles, he treats all beetles with equal affection.
As for Jehovah's Witnesses*, in relation to them this is excessive cruelty, this is a competitive struggle. This is good only in the sense that the document that was prepared by the court in relation to Jehovah's Witnesses is absolutely applicable, for example, in relation to the Russian Orthodox Church, on all counts, as in relation to any other religious organization. And when the question arises about the extremism of the Russian Orthodox Church or about the ban of this organization on the territory of the Russian Federation, which will happen sooner or later, they have simply made such a mess and, in general, have already acquired such a bad reputation that, most likely, they will not be able to do without it . And for this case, a regulatory document, a court decision, has already been prepared, because everything that has been said about Jehovah’s Witnesses can be said about any other sect - large or small, the Russian Orthodox Church or the Old Believers, about mushroom elves and Buddhists. This no longer plays any role. This is where this push has been made - a push in the good sense of the word, not what you thought, Dymarsky. And already, I think that, as they say, things will move forward. But in general they are all worth each other.
O. Zhuravleva― Alexander Glebovich, can I read a little about our listeners, what they write? Firstly, they offer Demeter, which helps agriculture.
A. Nevzorov- Great.
O. Zhuravleva- Secondly, they report that GAZ vehicles are produced at the Gorky Automobile Plant - listen, but this is bravo! This is amazing. And “do not make yourself an idol” is beneficial for the economy.
V. Dymarsky- Olya, I’m sorry, I also read the text messages, there’s just a question for Alexander Glebovich that I can’t help but ask.
A. Nevzorov- Yes please.
V. Dymarsky- Here you, as a representative of the scientific community, are asked: “Don’t you understand that the speed of light cannot be measured?”
A. Nevzorov- Well, let them dig up Einstein and tell this to his remains. Let them go to the Nobel Committee and in this Nobel Committee they will prove their views. This is not for me. I am a user of science, I do not create science myself. I can generally afford to confuse Boltzmann and Balmann, right? Despite the fact that both have a constant - there is a Boltzmann constant, and Balmann also has a constant, this is the line above the knee of the jeans, which passes from one collection to another. I'm a publicist. This is a little different, and I don’t answer, I just perceive these scientific discoveries and use them for my work.
V. Dymarsky- Thank you.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, this is a little bit about our development, because we somehow outlined the entire economy like this, but forgot that we also make rockets. This week we learned about the departure of four cosmonauts from the Russian cosmonaut corps, including well-known ones, they say that they have nothing to do, they are tired of idleness. In general, it’s somehow very tragic about our space prospects, which we are so proud of, in general.
V. Dymarsky- It feels like there is some kind of conflict inside.
O. Zhuravleva- So what, we won’t fly to Mars anymore, and everything is gone?
A. Nevzorov- And I suggest that you don’t poke around in all these cosmonauts’ infighting, but pay attention to the fact that a wonderful article by Charles Limoli has been published, although it’s not very recent, but now it has been translated into Russian, and it has finally been accepted by the scientific community of the West. Limoli is the University of California, and it confirms everything that I have been saying for a long time on Echo of Moscow, that most likely space and the conquest of space is a myth, that it does not shine for us, and that earthlings will most likely be doomed to watch at each other's disgusting faces, bye, sorry...
O. Zhuravleva- Until Kim Jong-un can be launched.
A. Nevzorov- ... until the gamma quanta separate them. Here is a very detailed, beautiful, juicy study of the impact of high-energy ions, protons, high-energy iron ions on the human body, he describes in detail what will happen to a person in space.
O. Zhuravleva- If it's a very long flight.
A. Nevzorov- No, this is if the flight exceeds at least two or three weeks, because there are even more severe factors. And besides, let’s say, there are also studies that were done at NASA’s cosmic radiation laboratory, and there, in general, it is clear that in order to protect this person in space, well, it would probably be necessary to weigh these rockets by almost forty times, because the protection that can be, it will create such a weight of this rocket, and this, naturally, no lifting is possible.
Most likely, even if some astronauts are launched, according not to me, but according to these Limoli studies, then in 2-3 weeks instead of these astronauts in open deep space, where the electromagnetic fields of some large planet are not protected - which have these fields, not all planets have - then instead of a team of astronauts we will have a crowd of senseless, blind people who have forgotten their names, who have lost coordination of their movements, who...
O. Zhuravleva- Which will be very brave, as I understand. They will lose their sense of fear.
V. Dymarsky- Wait, Alexander Glebovich, maybe someone will fly to us?
A. Nevzorov- Don't know. These forecasts are definitely not for me, but I think that as long as Rogozin is in charge of our space, I am afraid that we will not be of any interest to any civilization, galactic or intergalactic.
O. Zhuravleva- Wait, but they won’t fly to us, but to Earth as a whole; Rogozin is not the only one involved in space. Maybe they will fly to Kim Jong-un?
A. Nevzorov“They understand that Rogozin will be there to greet you, and this one circumstance deprives the slightest sense of coming to Earth for any life forms, even silicon ones.”
V. Dymarsky- What if it comes with bread and salt?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that bread and salt will also fall.
O. Zhuravleva- And Glazyev will stand next to you and say: love each other!
V. Dymarsky- Don't steal.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, and don’t steal it.
A. Nevzorov- As always, we are having a lot of fun.
O. Zhuravleva- Okay, then tell me something really funny. Have you mentioned the Ig Nobel Prize? Did anything new come to light?
A. Nevzorov- No, but the Ig Nobel Prize, it is always charming, it is always a subtle banter over the darkest features of assistant professorship and science. But this year there were no such brilliant, sparkling awards. There was some kind of presentation to a scientist who lived with goats for 3 days and found that during these 3 days, in principle, the goat smell is absorbed into the sweater so thoroughly that the sweater cannot be cleaned. This is why he received the Ig Nobel Prize.
O. Zhuravleva- And he could have been recognized as a saint, by the way, judging by your stories.
V. Dymarsky- Yes Easy.
A. Nevzorov- And he definitely would have been, but he would have had to be born several centuries earlier. But I suspect that judging by the notes of Talleman de Reo, this is such a wonderful French book, “Funny Stories” by Talleman de Reo, everything stank so strongly that it is unlikely that a three-day stay among goats could make a person stand out much, because the same Tallemana de Reo about one of the French kings, his mistress says that if he were not a king, then I would not be able to fuck with him, because he smells like a dead man.
V. Dymarsky- By the way, do you know what the Ig Nobel Prize is called in France? The French are presenting the prize there.
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- Lysenko Prize.
A. Nevzorov- Lysenko Prize. Well, you see, and you say that somewhere they don’t honor Russian science.
V. Dymarsky- This is an analogue of Shnobelevskaya.
A. Nevzorov- Besides Lysenko, we also had the beautiful Lepeshinskaya...
V. Dymarsky- Ballerina?
A. Nevzorov: People living on dirt floors covered in lice and dirt have to pay for the entertainment of a small part of the population
A. Nevzorov- No, I’m talking about the greatest biochemist, the author of a completely crazy, at the same time very funny theory, nevertheless, she received the Nobel Prize, and for a long time in biochemistry she was almost the same as Trofim Lysenko was in genetics. That is, she just managed to spread rot on everything reasonable and bright, and the rest of the academicians, although brilliant scientists, were cowards, such as Alexander Ivanovich Oparin, who was the first to talk about coacervate drops, the first to discover the principle of abiogenesis. Just in case, he agreed and did not object.
V. Dymarsky- Wait, what award did she receive?
A. Nevzorov- Stalin's.
V. Dymarsky- Ah, Stalin's! And you said Nobel.
A. Nevzorov- Not only did she receive the Stalin Prize...
V. Dymarsky- Stalin's is almost Shnobelevskaya.
A. Nevzorov- I don’t know, Olya, I’ll have time to tell you about Sergeev’s wonderful book, which I would recommend to everyone. Sergei Sergeev. Very impartial...
O. Zhuravleva- Just a minute. Let's.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, there it calls into question the existence of the Russian people, and it is called “The Russian Nation, or the Story of the History of Its Absence.” A very interesting, very unbiased, very non-Russophobic work, which presents monstrous facts. For example, you knew that at the entrance to the Tauride Garden in the 19th century there was a notice: entry is prohibited to persons in Russian dress.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, it’s clear who these people in Russian dress are.
A. Nevzorov- Yes Yes. And at every step here are examples that are just as picturesque, just as offensive, offensive, and at the same time destroying various myths. Because it is very difficult to talk about some kind of unity of the nation, when part of the nation trades with another part of the nation as property, where periodically a foreign language becomes dominant, where the entertainment of a very small part of the population has to be paid for by people living on earthen floors covered in lice and dirt.
V. Dymarsky- This is in connection with the preparation of the Law on the Russian Nation.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, probably.
O. Zhuravleva- And in connection with the renovation at the same time. Unfortunately, we didn’t talk about it in detail, but there will be another occasion.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, sure.
O. Zhuravleva- This is Nevzorov Wednesdays, thank you very much, gentlemen. Vitaly Dymarsky, Alexander Nevzorov, my name is Olga Zhuravleva.
V. Dymarsky- Thank you.
O. Zhuravleva- Best wishes!
*-the organization’s activities are prohibited on the territory of the Russian Federation
Nevzorovsky Wednesdays 04/26/2017
28.4.2017
Audio file, duration 50:07
O. Zhuravleva- It’s 21 hours and almost 4 minutes in Moscow, this is “Nevzorovsky Wednesdays”, my name is Olga Zhuravleva. And Alexander Nevzorov greets us from St. Petersburg.
A. Nevzorov- Olenka, hello!
O. Zhuravleva- Hello.
A. Nevzorov- Dymarsky is nearby, who wants to talk about the event at Helvetia.
O. Zhuravleva― Vitaly Dymarsky, good evening.
Are there any scratches on your car? Remove them yourself in minutes! Don't waste your money...
V. Dymarsky- Good evening, we always start with our events.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. And their event is interesting.
V. Dymarsky- “Amateur readings.”
A. Nevzorov― “Amateur Readings” with a very interesting and, I would say, strong, one of the most powerful to date...
V. Dymarsky- Dystopians.
A. Nevzorov― Dystopians and in general, as it were, quite even publicists.
V. Dymarsky- Well, yes. This is Dmitry Glukhovsky tomorrow at Helvetia at 7 pm. Still available for now.
O. Zhuravleva- Are there still tickets available?
V. Dymarsky- A little, but there is.
A. Nevzorov- It makes sense to listen to him, and it makes sense to talk about him, and talk to him.
Let's go.
O. Zhuravleva- Let's talk to you.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
V. Dymarsky- Let's. What do you have with dystopias? In Moscow.
O. Zhuravleva- In Moscow, as you know, there is a debate going on around renovations, but we’ll probably get back to them a little later, right? This happens in St. Petersburg too.
V. Dymarsky- We don’t have a single five-story building in St. Petersburg...
A. Nevzorov- Yes, of course, but with us it’s all much more noble and without all this Moscow rudeness, without Moscow’s stupid scale and intoxication with the opportunity to legally mock people and in this way too.
O. Zhuravleva- Listen, but Putin said that he would never sign any decree if people’s rights were not fully respected. Putin is a bunny.
A. Nevzorov- No, he’s not a bunny...
V. Dymarsky- He's not a bunny, he's an angel.
A. Nevzorov: Their brains turn off in the presence of their superiors, that is, they work only with their backs and only bending Q Tweet
O. Zhuravleva- He's an angel, yes, sorry.
A. Nevzorov- Fine. But Vladimir Vladimirovich, he still trusts excessively to people who, probably, should not be trusted, because even in this story with the angel, in general, they somehow managed to make Vladimir Vladimirovich look very wrong. After all, it is clear that assistant professors turn off their brains in the presence of their superiors, that is, they work only with their backs and only in a bend. And so they somehow forgot to tell him when he heard that...
V. Dymarsky- ... that he is an angel?
A. Nevzorov- No, he didn’t just hear, he saw...
O. Zhuravleva- Like an angel fights the devil.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. Film from the Geographical Society, and immediately applied all this to himself, calling himself an angel. Unfortunately, no one explained to him what the angelfish is - besides the fact that it is, excuse me, a gastropod...
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, I noticed this.
A. Nevzorov- This is also a hermaphrodite, Olya, right?
O. Zhuravleva- ABOUT…
A. Nevzorov- Yes. Moreover, it is angelfish, which is the most offensive and disgusting thing in this story, that toothless dwarf whales, as well as blue whales, feed on. True, the only thing that, perhaps, allows the leader of a state to compare himself with such a creature is that the sea angel really eats very picturesquely, I must say, yes. He manages to stick such keratinized chitinous processes into the shell of this very monkfish and scratches this devil out for a long, long time, when he simply gets tired of this whole vile procedure of scratching and snatching it from him piece by piece, and he crawls out straight into the mouth opening of the so-called angel.
V. Dymarsky― Alexander Glebovich, let’s reassure our listeners - this is not behavior.
A. Nevzorov- No, this is not behavior yet.
O. Zhuravleva- But, by the way, you shouldn’t have offended the assistant professors, as you say.
A. Nevzorov- Why?
O. Zhuravleva- Because maybe it was so special, it was a subtle hint. Everything you describe can be attributed to Vladimir Vladimirovich and is not quite complementary.
A. Nevzorov- Well, I don’t know, at least here I should have been more careful, and Vladimir Vladimirovich should not have picked up this story with the angel and the devil so joyfully. Therefore, let’s not elevate it to some criteria, to some, let’s say, estimated values of everything, so let’s talk about Khrushchev a little later.
O. Zhuravleva- Come on, okay.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, we have a lot of things besides this, interesting and, perhaps, not so bloody. We recently had an assault on the Reichstag.
V. Dymarsky- This is military action, how is it not so bloody? What are you doing?
O. Zhuravleva- Well, okay, this is a reconstruction.
A. Nevzorov- It was a fight between cotton wool and plywood. That's what it was.
V. Dymarsky- No blood.
A. Nevzorov- No, well, they bloodied someone’s noses there, good stuntmen worked there, but since everyone understood the conventions and some bastardism, let’s say, of the action, they worked, as they say, almost without a spark and didn’t give their best. And everything was decided only by a huge crowd and that cool, calm attitude, an attitude as if it were a reconstruction, an attitude as if it were something decorative - well, this is some kind of ritual of sacrificing plywood buildings, as a sacrifice to the God of Victory. But I would say that almost everyone participating there was already, to put it mildly, atheists.
O. Zhuravleva- Tell me, Alexander Glebovich, would you, as a stuntman, want to participate in such an event? So that Shoigu can admire you from the podium?
V. Dymarsky- And if so, on whose side?
O. Zhuravleva- By the way!
A. Nevzorov- As always, it’s a question of price.
O. Zhuravleva- Oh, that’s it!
A. Nevzorov- Yes, that’s absolutely right.
V. Dymarsky- Would you defend the Reichstag?
A. Nevzorov: Uncle Zyu will gladly sprinkle himself with the “Smell of Ilyich” and will be popular Q Tweet
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- In reconstruction, of course.
A. Nevzorov- Of course not. I don’t do reconstructions at all and don’t really understand why they are needed. Moreover, I believe that this is one of the funniest types of lies and lies, because really, under the guise of history, we are, as it were, offered as history its dried, polished, perfumed version, a surrogate that it never was, because everything that happened then was, of course, a billion times more monstrous, a billion times more extreme and far from being so victorious, beautiful, heroic and necessary, because, after all, we know that this unfortunate Rechstag and Berlin were taken precisely in order to to meet certain dates, that tens and hundreds of thousands of people were packed so that, God forbid, the British or Americans would not come there. Therefore, everything is not so simple at all, and I would generally refrain from all these religious events.
V. Dymarsky- No matter how cynical it sounds, but in my opinion, from the point of view of such purely financial costs, it was cheaper, in my opinion, then than it is now.
A. Nevzorov- Maybe.
V. Dymarsky- Now it’s a third of a billion dollars...
A. Nevzorov- Perhaps, yes, we don’t yet know how much we sawed off from this. But, however, this is no longer our business, it happened, and Russia’s insane passion for showing off was, to some extent, managed to be satisfied for some time.
O. Zhuravleva- But tell me, Alexander Glebovich, also about the passion for showing off and about the attitude towards history. In connection with Lenin's birthday, the theme of the mausoleum arose again - to close, open, bury... What should be done here?
A. Nevzorov- And you know, here you need to calculate how much it costs to maintain this luxurious corpse, and if there are people who are ready to invest in it, if there are people who can shell out money for a barrel so that all this continues to exist in this form, so let it be. In general, this is a goldmine. After all, you can organize luxurious shows there, in this mausoleum, right? Well, a nerve-wracking show: “A Night with Ilyich,” huh?
V. Dymarsky- Corporate events.
O. Zhuravleva- You can sell magnets with Ilyich there.
A. Nevzorov- It can be taken to corporate events. He can be taken to GUM, where he would work as a mannequin for the latest collection, Dolce&Gabbana. It would be possible to publish perfumes, release perfumes - you remember “The Smell of Ilyich” from Soviet times.
O. Zhuravleva- And the soap “In Lenin’s Places”, yes, of course.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. No, if there are such perfumes, then we will be able to recognize communists by their smell.
O. Zhuravleva- Many people recognize them anyway.
A. Nevzorov- Uncle Zyu will be very happy to sprinkle himself with the “Smell of Ilyich” and will enjoy even greater popularity among himself...
V. Dymarsky- But tell me, you’re a big fan of all sorts of scientific things, but in this whole operation to preserve Ilyich, is there some kind of scientific component?
A. Nevzorov- There is a very large scientific component, but everything that could be milked from this story, everything that could be learned, has already been learned. In addition, as you yourself understand, Vladimir Ilyich lies in the mausoleum, being absolutely brainless.
O. Zhuravleva- Of course, the brain is stored in another place.
A. Nevzorov- It is not stored, it was a long time ago...
V. Dymarsky- Seized.
A. Nevzorov- It has long been divided into many microslides; it was used back in the days of Sarkisov, the then director of the Brain Institute. In general, it all started with Karl Vogt, who was invited by the Bolsheviks, and then the neuromorphologists who studied Lenin’s brain were faced with the task of finding something extraordinary in Lenin’s brain at all costs that distinguishes this brain from the brains of other people.
V. Dymarsky- Found it?
A. Nevzorov- No, they absolutely didn’t find it, and they couldn’t find it, because, well, there is no correlation between talents, between inclinations and between anatomy and even microanatomy. Does not exist.
V. Dymarsky- But the famous St. Petersburg Bekhterev clinic dealt with the brain, yes, now the Chernigov clinic deals with the brain.
A. Nevzorov- As for Chernigovskaya, understand, for example, you are a physicist, right?
V. Dymarsky- Well, just for example.
A. Nevzorov- Eg. And you are serious about physics, you already know that a propagator is not just a plant box, you can use the wave function. Then you open a book that says that Einstein is a fool, that gravity is a Jewish invention, and that the Earth is flat.
That is, both Chernigov and all these, let’s say, today’s movements, including Savelyev, this is already such a parascience, these are what are called alternativeists who have moved away from Einstein’s theory, the theory of brain physiology, this is Pavlov’s theory, This is a theory of conditioned reflexes, and which, in general, are funny, but do not deserve serious conversation.
V. Dymarsky- I will invite Chernigovskaya so that she can answer you.
A. Nevzorov: There is a type of show business called the Russian Orthodox Church, they play their role-playing games Q Tweet
A. Nevzorov- Let those who are able to pay for this fun pay for it, or it’s time to stop all this fun.
V. Dymarsky- I think that this can be combined, we can take not the Reichstag, but the mausoleum.
A. Nevzorov- Can.
O. Zhuravleva― I apologize, Alexander Glebovich, this issue has actually been seriously occupying me for a long time, and every time officials begin to say that this issue can be discussed, when it will not be such a hot topic, when Lenin’s body can cause a split. Is it really true that such a huge number of people in the country still revere Vladimir Ilyich? I have a feeling that a huge mass of the population no longer even knows who he is. Where does this idea come from that Lenin’s burial can cause a social explosion, split and other disasters? How do you think?
A. Nevzorov- Don't know.
O. Zhuravleva- Maybe they’re just all old now?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that this is a fantasy. Maybe there will actually be a few pensioners shaking their string bags and beating their earflaps on the paving stones of Red Square, but no events will happen in connection with this. And most importantly, it’s not necessary, really, if there is an opportunity to make money from this story and open JSC “Mausoleum” to someone, then let them open it. And there is no need to interfere with this business, the only question is who will it go to.
V. Dymarsky- But today Sergei Stepashin said that he was a witness, he was then the Minister of Internal Affairs under Yeltsin, that Yeltsin allegedly ordered in 1998, if I’m not mistaken, not only to bury Lenin, but also to demolish the mausoleum. What should we do with the mausoleum? Demolish or leave under joint stock company?
A. Nevzorov- I think it would be possible to organize a cool boutique there.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, by the way, when there was a handbag there, remember the famous handbag on Red Square?
A. Nevzorov- Yes Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- There were such jokes when the mausoleum was painted accordingly in the photographs. It would work quite well.
A. Nevzorov- No, the building is nice, and this mummy can be left there if some worthy commercial use is found for it, because it no longer works as a symbol of anything. And I am absolutely not interested in discussing the merits or demerits of Ilyich, they are all in the distant past, and this has no impact on our lives today. Only, of course, there are gourmets, there are specialists in historical subtleties and details, but there are not so many of them to take into account in the broad sense of the word...
V. Dymarsky- But you never know what happened a long time ago? Long ago Nicholas II...
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, I also thought about “Matilda”.
V. Dymarsky- But it still doesn’t give me peace.
A. Nevzorov- Well, now Medvedev has stood up for Matilda.
V. Dymarsky- Yes.
A. Nevzorov- To my deepest surprise.
V. Dymarsky- What surprised you?
A. Nevzorov“I was surprised that Medvedev, who is usually very obedient to the general Kremlin tendency, was suddenly entrusted with either going against it or voicing it. This is amazing, this is strange.
V. Dymarsky- Do you think that these are all pro-Kremlin affairs?..
A. Nevzorov“And I don’t think that anyone has the right to make any ad-libs about serious topics from those stands and from those heights.” The fact is that here, it must be said, the intelligentsia itself again let us down, because there was no need to rattle the spine. And you explain to the same Teacher once again that there are no legal regulations that would oblige him to even know that Nicholas II is a saint.
There is a kind of show business called the Russian Orthodox Church, they play their role-playing games with dressing up, where they can call each other whatever they want, that’s how we have mushroom elves in Udelny Park, there are people who play gnomes in all seriousness and call each other by Thorin Oakenshield or “Your dwarvenness,” “Your baseness.” In the same way, inside this role-playing game of the Russian Orthodox Church, they can call each other whatever they want, but we are not obliged to know who their saint is, we are not obliged to think about this topic at all, there are no legal grounds to force us to do this or demand it, so that we are aware of this.
And besides, you had to honestly say: here you have your Nicholas II, you want to worship him and shed tears over him, but we want to laugh, and for us this figure is pathetic and anecdotal. Don’t rattle your spine, don’t tell them that, oh, that’s how to avoid offending them a little. In the end, they can isolate themselves in their own little world, and no one has the right to get into this little world, and no one imposes this on them, because the Teacher does not have divisions of machine gunners who will drive poor Orthodox Christians into the cinema - whether to go or not, this their choice.
O. Zhuravleva- But in any case, Medvedev expressed sensible words - this is wonderful.
A. Nevzorov- Sound words and, perhaps, it really makes sense to move on to practice, when films, books, articles, and radio broadcasts will be marked with a certain sign such as that, well, they are not recommended for so-called believers.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, yes, “16+”, and “cross minus”.
V. Dymarsky- And to the deputies.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, “cross minus”, absolutely right. And then let the filmmakers and radio program hosts bear losses, maybe they will have a smaller audience, but...
V. Dymarsky- There is a danger there, because when they put the numbers 16+, the plus looks like a cross.
O. Zhuravleva- That's it, a disaster.
A. Nevzorov- I think we'll come up with...
O. Zhuravleva- And right here.
A. Nevzorov- They are offended again at everything. They are even offended - well, I looked at the mail on Ekho Moskvy, they are even offended that Gundyaev is called Gundyaev. But in this, for mercy’s sake, when I say “Gundyaev”, there’s not even any challenge in this, I’m just once again explaining that I don’t take part in this role-playing game with dressing up and therefore I call him by the name under which he exists in state.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes, for some reason Poltavchenko can be called Poltavchenko, but Gundyaev cannot be called Gundyaev. Marvelous.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, you can talk about one more person, who is also called by his last name, that same Medvedev. Here is a Levada poll, which showed some terrible drops in ratings, incredible. Then there was the reaction of press secretary Timakova, who said that this was understandable, from Levada - this was a political order. Can you imagine who could order Levada to order Medvedev in this way? What kind of forces are so terrible in the country?
V. Dymarsky- Not only, by the way, Levada and Navalny, right?
A. Nevzorov- And in general to everyone else.
O. Zhuravleva- Rich people, we need to meet them. So. And who are these people?
A. Nevzorov- I suspect that they will not condescend anyway, but to assume that a figure of such a large caliber in Russian politics can be attacked without Putin’s go-ahead is pointless and extremely naive. Another thing is that this could be a false attack, it could be an attempt to throw him off the scent so that, after dragging the figure of Medvedev a little in his toothless, edentulous slobbering gums, the public would have played enough and forgotten for some time, because the teeth then the public doesn’t have it anyway, and you can let anyone play without fear that “anyone” will be eaten. We know that this still remains, let's say, very, very theoretical.
V. Dymarsky- Alexander Glebovich, by the way, tell me, as a St. Petersburg resident with experience, I would say to us, St. Petersburg residents without experience. Medvedev, he is still younger, he was part of his time, there, in the 90s, in this St. Petersburg circle, which almost entirely moved to Moscow?
A. Nevzorov- Well, very much, I would say, like half a foot, a quarter of a foot, well, maybe even one big toe, let’s put it this way.
V. Dymarsky- That is, he was not a full member of the cooperative?..
A. Nevzorov- No, he didn’t play these games at all then, he was mobilized and called up for civil service much later.
V. Dymarsky- Just because of age?
A. Nevzorov- Because he really has some real advantages - normal kindness, normal tolerance - he has a lot, and at that time he looked like a very reliable person. And now, really, I feel sorry for him, because of all this terrible host of bloodsuckers he is the most harmless, the kindest, the funniest and the most human-like. This is not Mizulina, who once again suddenly, after a long silence, took it and burst out...
O. Zhuravleva― Porn addicted children.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. About the fact that watching pornography leads to infertility. Well, it’s okay if she said it on her own, after all, it’s okay, because it’s hard to think with the help of a clamp, especially when there’s only one clamp. But she refers to some scientific research, it is quite possible that she simply confused the Ig Nobel Prize with the Nobel Prize. And some other explanations, but the truth is, she’s not supposed to know this either, she’s, in general, our girl, narrow-minded, but very fond of forbidding everything and talking about everything.
It’s clear that there are no connections, and maybe you will also be interested, because this is already from the history of pornography. And in the 18th century, this kind of product was in great demand and aroused interest, but then the golden youth of England and France used very poorly printed obstetric reference books, reference books for midwives, where nothing was visible at all.
O. Zhuravleva- Then indecent postcards appeared.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. But wait. Just imagine for a second what these 18th century engravings looked like. And yet, the youth of that time managed to masturbate, looking at this horror, and this horror was quite enough for them to be involved in some kind of first pornographic...
O. Zhuravleva- Well, by the way, they didn’t die out, which means it didn’t cause infertility.
A. Nevzorov- If you look at the first images, the first sculptures of humanity, they are absolutely pornographic, these are the so-called Neolithic Venuses.
O. Zhuravleva- Yes Yes.
A. Nevzorov- There are no faces there, it is not significant.
O. Zhuravleva- But there is a figure.
A. Nevzorov- There are gigantic breasts, a very deep vaginal (indistinct) outline, that is, two basic principles are outlined by which a woman differs from a man. But then, don’t forget, she still needed extraordinary corpulence, a woman was seen only as a reproductive machine, and, for the worst rainy day, food.
V. Dymarsky- This will now be called the initial accumulation of pornographic capital.
A. Nevzorov- Yes, that’s absolutely right. And yet, despite the fact that this pornography has been present since the very first days of human history, no one, as Olya rightly noted, really died. But everything here is inadequate. Just now they killed a Russian soldier in Armenia, I thought that the State Duma would definitely demand that Armenian radio be banned throughout the Russian Federation.
That is, everything is senile, and against this background Medvedev with his slippers and his harmless villas, well, believe me, the least of the evils.
O. Zhuravleva- You just said “villas”, I imagined Medvedev with a pitchfork and in slippers...
V. Dymarsky- We remembered the magazine “Crocodile”.
A. Nevzorov- Two “l”s sounded clearly there.
O. Zhuravleva- Good, yes.
A. Nevzorov: Against this background, Medvedev with his slippers and harmless villas is the least of evils Q Tweet
V. Dymarsky- Remember, Krokodil magazine? The crocodile stood with a pitchfork.
A. Nevzorov- Yes. With us, everything is, to one degree or another, extremely hypocritical, just like the hypocritical, ridiculous storming of the Reichstag. Also there, for example, poor Maksakova was left without a fee, although very...
V. Dymarsky- She was left without a husband.
A. Nevzorov“She was left without a fee because she fainted very convincingly, sobbed, feigned grief, but this billion-dollar inheritance somehow flew past her.
V. Dymarsky- Yes you!
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
V. Dymarsky- How did this pass me by?
A. Nevzorov- Although it was probably her best acting work.
O. Zhuravleva- Stop it! A great human feeling... You somehow deny natural manifestations to a person. Why is that? You even, I suppose, deny Macron that he married his teacher for love.
A. Nevzorov- No, I hope that he was guided by higher and brighter motives, that is, normal self-interest or the expectation of a quick inheritance. Then all this can be understood, forgiven and explained; it becomes, mind you, so immediately beautiful...
V. Dymarsky- Who are you rooting for? For Macron or for Marine Le Pen? Or don't you care?
A. Nevzorov- I don’t root for anyone at all. I am well. I don't care which one. Although, of course, LePensha made such picturesque and crazy mistakes that only a French woman could make, who poorly evaluates, let's say, herself and her appearance. This is her pilgrimage to Moscow, falling at the feet of Putin - it’s all very beautiful. But I am afraid that civilized Europe will not appreciate this demarche, and if it does, it will only be strictly negative.
V. Dymarsky- But the Americans appreciated Trump?
A. Nevzorov- Therefore, I think that this election is most likely - I explain, I’m not sick, I don’t care - this Macron will most likely win.
O. Zhuravleva- Here we take a break for news. These are “Nevzorov Wednesdays”. Alexander Nevzorov, Vitaly Dymarsky and Olga Zhuravleva will come to you after the news.
NEWS
O. Zhuravleva―21:35 in Moscow, this is “Nevzorovsky Wednesdays”. From Moscow is Olga Zhuravleva, and from St. Petersburg, as expected, are Alexander Nevzorov and Vitaly Dymarsky. Gentlemen, are you with us?
A. Nevzorov- Certainly.
V. Dymarsky- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- It’s good that you’re answering in chorus, well done. By the way, following up on what Alexander Glebovich said about Marine Le Pen, the European Parliament has begun the procedure for depriving Mrs. Le Pen of parliamentary immunity. She is suspected of organizing a scheme to pay salaries to her employees at the expense of European Union funds. Listen, it’s amazing, no matter who they are, no matter how humanoid they are or, on the contrary, ugly, in reality the majority turn out to be petty thieves. And these people, by the way, decide issues of war and peace in different countries...
V. Dymarsky- And these people forbid us to pick our noses...
O. Zhuravleva- ... they forbid us to pick our noses, watch “Matilda” or anything else. Terrible politicians.
A. Nevzorov- Look, we have the North Koreans again, this time they threatened Australia, right?
O. Zhuravleva- God! I missed everything.
A. Nevzorov-...they will bomb it...
V. Dymarsky- But they will feel sorry for New Zealand.
A. Nevzorov- Because the Australians brilliantly explained to the North Koreans that the North Koreans, as they say, have a short life...
O. Zhuravleva- And the Earth is round.
A. Nevzorov- But what an excellent diplomatic form they found in order to formalize and package this statement into text. But I think that sooner or later North Korea will unite with the DPR, and Zakharchenko and plump Kim, they will threaten the world together, they love to do this. Zakharchenko will threaten on Tuesdays, Kim Jong-un will threaten on Thursdays, and on Monday they will do it as a duet, because they both do it the same way...
V. Dymarsky- Thursday is fish day.
A. Nevzorov- Yes.
O. Zhuravleva- By the way, our General Staff, Alexander Glebovich, reports that the US missile defense creates the opportunity for a covert nuclear strike on Russia. For a sudden nuclear strike or covert. The wording here differs, but I like it.
A. Nevzorov- Winter suddenly comes to us, stadiums suddenly collapse and subways explode, everything happens suddenly.
V. Dymarsky- Winter is suddenly ending here.
A. Nevzorov- It ended, but then, as you know, it started again.
V. Dymarsky- Yes, and it continues.
A. Nevzorov- The main thing for us is not to forget about behavior, because today, today directly and specifically, is Artemon’s day.
O. Zhuravleva- Which dog is this?
A. Nevzorov- No, Saint Artemon - his only merit and famous deed was that he sneaked into the temple of Artemis and there committed an act of primitive gross vandalism, for which even in the Russian Federation he would still get at least a five, if not 10 years of strict regime .
A. Nevzorov: I think that sooner or later North Korea will unite with the DPR, and Zakharchenko and Kim will together threaten the world Q Tweet
V. Dymarsky- No right of correspondence.
A. Nevzorov- He smashed all the ancient statues that came to his hand, and then set it all on fire. Moreover, we must understand that where we find evidence from some Gibbon that the early Christians destroyed almost all ancient art, there is no stretch in this. And even if we, so to speak, leave the story of Artemon on the conscience of the authors of the lives - perhaps everything was not so, it’s all always fantasy - then we must understand that ancient art was really exterminated with extraordinary passion.
And today’s stupid passion of priests for desecrating exhibitions, for banning operas, for encroaching on films - it all comes from there, because there are examples of behavior for them. And this Artemon, who became famous for his vicious vandalism against monuments of ancient art, is a saint, that is, this is a creature who is a model of behavior...
V. Dymarsky- Who declared him a saint?
A. Nevzorov- He is canonized by the Christian Church.
V. Dymarsky- The Vatican?
A. Nevzorov- No.
V. Dymarsky- Or Orthodox?
A. Nevzorov- This is a common saint, this is also...
O. Zhuravleva- Is this before 1054?
A. Nevzorov- This is actually the 4th century.
O. Zhuravleva- It's clear.
A. Nevzorov- But where even these saints are not common, they are still Christian saints, and where we again pay attention to what style of behavior is proposed as normative, let’s remember Saint Margaret, who became famous for the fact that she played out the game and brought herself to such a state that there were worms in her clothes.
O. Zhuravleva- It seems to me that you have already talked about some similar heroine.
A. Nevzorov- No, it was another saint, I was talking then about Simeon the Stylite, who bred worms in the ulcers of his body.
O. Zhuravleva- It seems to me that you talk about worms every program.
A. Nevzorov- Wait, you and I talk about Christian saints all the time. Worms and Christian saints, they all crawl somewhere next to each other. And just understand that this Margarita I’m talking about was not some street homeless woman, she was the daughter of King Bela IV, she was a so-called princess. But no one wants to pay attention to the patterns of behavior that Margarita offers. They want to perfume, perfume themselves, today’s believers, and I think that if Christian saints gathered and sniffed, for example, the Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church, they would simply anathematize it at that very second only on one principle, on the principle of smells, yes ?
But there is a lot of cheerful hypocrisy, because, let’s remember, there was also such a Saint Macrina, she, too, in my opinion, was somewhere these days. Saint Macrina had a boil on her chest, but she said that she would rather die from blood poisoning and gangrene than show her chest to the doctor.
O. Zhuravleva- Well, it’s still very popular now.
V. Dymarsky- There is also a logic.
A. Nevzorov- I don’t remember any young girls now...
V. Dymarsky- But what chastity.
A. Nevzorov- Well, chastity is very relative...
O. Zhuravleva- And you just don’t look at all believers. In Islamic traditions, for example, someone called for the extermination of all male gynecologists, I don’t remember in which country. Well, not in the sense of exterminating, but in the sense of banning men from working as gynecologists. All for the same reason, because of chastity.
A. Nevzorov- This was accepted in Europe too, and even those masters of obstetrics who were recognized specialists, such as Ruysch, for example, before he began making a collection of his monstrous babies, now exhibited in the Kunstkamera, he was a famous gynecologist and an obstetrician, but he always carried out examinations in pitch darkness.
O. Zhuravleva- Oh my God!
V. Dymarsky- No matter what.
A. Nevzorov- So as not to see.
O. Zhuravleva- And you say, pornography.
V. Dymarsky- And so that she doesn’t see him.
A. Nevzorov- No, well, she’s fine, but one way or another, the doctor was not allowed to look, he could very approximately...
V. Dymarsky- Feel everything.
A. Nevzorov- By touch, and as I understand it, there were a couple of other midwives, midwives and Mizulins of that time standing nearby, who beat him on the hands so that he wouldn’t touch something wrong. That is, it was also very difficult for European doctors...
O. Zhuravleva- But the years passed.
A. Nevzorov- As the years passed, ideas about decency changed. By the way, I’ll bring it to you sooner or later, you love all this historical crap, there’s this wonderful book by Caspar d’Orno. Don't know, no?
O. Zhuravleva- No.
A. Nevzorov: Worms and Christian saints, they all crawl somewhere next to each other